Study the Studies- What We Know About Same-Sex Parenting is a worldview wrecking ball for the “all children need is love” crowd. We received some objections within a few hours of publishing Study the Studies from those who felt that the poor outcomes reflected in research on gay parenting can be chalked up to the trauma that kids suffer in the wake of their heterosexual parent’s divorce. No doubt. Divorce is traumatic, and children’s long-term suffering is the result.
This pro-same sex parenting worldview often sees third-party reproduction as the “trauma free” option for gay couples who desire children. Unfortunately, donor-conceived children are also more likely to struggle than their peers. They are at increased risk of delinquency, substance abuse, and depression. Many report mistrust of family members and they are haunted by the ever-present specter of the circumstances of their conception. Unlike children of divorce, they are more likely to struggle with questions of their identity. Donor conceived children are also more likely to experience family disruption… and divorce.
There is no “trauma-free” way to deny children a relationship with their mother or father. Divorce and donor-conception are just different paths to brokenness.
You need not take my word for it, you can read the painful truth for yourself. Below are some excerpts from donor-conceived children living with lesbian and gay parents sharing how their conception and household structure has impacted them.
I have two moms and am constantly wondering what it would be like to have a father and who my biological dad is. I’m wondering is there any way to find who he is? im not expecting him to jump and and be some sort of active dad to me i just want to know who he is…
Father’s Day sucks, and my mom thinks its society when really it’s just her. I love her but yeesh. She talks about genders like they don’t matter when raising kids. If they don’t why does she wants me to spend so much time with her guy friends so I can have a father-figure? (JK as if her guy friends love me or relate to me as much as they love and relate with their actual children. Yeah right) … I want to know who my dad is, and a donor# and some basic layout isn’t going to cut it. I need to KNOW him. I need to bond with him and do daddy-daughter things. He’s half of who I am… We’re flesh and blood. He’s literally IN my DNA. Why don’t people get that? If he and my mom were a couple, he’d be my dad. But when my mom ia gay and asked him not to be there, he’s just my ‘donor’? Really? Where is my say in this?
I’m a 15 year old girl and I have two moms. They’re wonderful and the best parents my sister and i could have asked for. But still, I want a dad. I’m not saying that I’m against gay marriage or gay parenting. I just want a dad, and I feel bad for saying that.
I don’t really know if people understand how kick-ass it is that moms like mine had the strength to bring a child into this world on their own. You know, at first, that’s the only way I would look at my situation, that way things were more positive. But in reality, my kick-ass mom never knew and never will know the damage that not having a father has caused me.
I am an only child who lives with my single lesbian mother. I never really even had a father figure in my life, I was always surrounded by my mother’s friends. I always thought it was sort of selfish of my mother to just one day decide she wanted to have a kid. We frequently talk openly about our situation but she never mentioned her thought process or what persuaded her to bring a child into the world. It angers me because I feel like a missed out on so many opportunities that children with fathers have. The thought of not having anyone to walk me down the aisle when I get married haunts me daily… Growing up without a father sucks. I can’t really have this conversation with my mom without hurting her. If my mom and I ever have a disagreement I have no one else to talk to. I feel so alone. I feel like I have missed out on all of the little things, like having your dad give you piggy backs or teaching me how to ride a bike or getting over protective when I show an interest in boys. I don’t miss my donor personally, i mourn the loss of a childhood without a dad.
All my moms want is to have a baby, and have a biological family like everyone else. So I always thought what a terrible bitch (yes bitch) I am to destroy their happiness too, because I wished I just had a dad in my life and not a donor fake uncle. You have no idea how lonely and guilty I feel about this, but maybe you do? I feel like a bad child, especially when I look on TV and I see the good kids of gay parents say they have the perfect family and they don’t need a mom or dad, but you’re all like ‘but I want a dad…sometimes?’
I am the daughter (not biological) of two moms. I love them both sooo sooo much but there is not a day that goes by that i didn’t wish i had a dad. it is very hard for kids like me that are different. no matter how accetping society is. i have men in my life my moms’ friends but it is not the same. I love my parents but I don’t agree with the fact that I will never know half of my biology or my siblings. I will never do that to a child. If I can’t have them, I will adopt. I hope more couples, gay and straight, consider adoption and foster care.
Short story. I was raised by lesbians, etc. Never really bugged me. Never wanted to meet my “real” dad. I stumbled on this site and was shocked to discover that like 80% of sperm donor kids want to meet their real dad. I still don’t really get why. I think that’s strange. Do you think he has answers for you? Will he tell you who you are… One day I saw a news article about this total douche who contaminated sperm samples around the time I was born. Smart dude, but mentally unstable and an unethical fruitcake. I thought it was funny, did some digging. Guess who is very likely my dad?? Fuck my life. As soon as I began to realize that this dude was probably my dad, I immediately shut the webpage, deleted my search history, ran around the block and did an active meditation to clear all the info from my mind so I would forget. But I can’t unlearn the info. Now that ass-hat is in my brain, and I never wanted to know.
My Moms always made a good image. Smile everybody and pertend to be happy that was our family motto. But I didnt feel happy every time I came home from a friends house and saw how diffrent it was in their homes. My best friends dad was the greatest guy he was funny and nice and always taking us places. He listened to us. I was jealous of my friend and wrote the word Daddy on a peice of paper and put it under my pillow. I wanted a Daddy like my friend had. My friends family all knew how much I liked their Dad cuz I was always asking if I could help him. One day my friends mom asks me are you a Daddys Girl? It means you are the kind of girl who realy loves her Daddy and is real close to him. Well I went home and cried becuz I dont have that and never will know what thats like.
My biological mother was bisexual, and at the time of my conception she was in a relationship with another woman. They couldn’t afford to conceive me through a clinic, so they made private arrangements with my non-biological mother’s nephew and he donated the sperm which conceived me, making me related to both of my mums. Their relationship ended a year after I was born, and in my early years I lived with my biological mother but had regular contact with my other mum and I moved in with her through my teen years and I still live with her to this day… I do have contact with my biological father’s sister and my cousin (who I am quite close to and my paternal aunt is best friends with my biological mum) but most of his family have declined to have contact with me, which I did find quite upsetting at first… I’m 19 and I’ve never made any attempts to contact him out of respect for that arrangement. Maybe someday I will change my mind or he may decide to contact me but I’m leaving that up to him to decide…
Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I a bad daughter because I wish I had a Dad? Is there anyone else who has 2 Moms or 2 Dads who wonders what it would be like if they were born into a normal family? Is ther anyone else who wants to be able to use the word normal without gettin a lecture on what is normal??? I dont know my real father and never will. Its weird but I miss him. I miss this man I will never know. Is it wrong for me to long for a father like my friends have? She has two brothers I play basketball with all the time. It feels so amazing to be included in their family. When I am there I think this is what its like to be in a family that has a Mom and a Dad.
I am also an atheist raised by a gay couple. “homosexual parents are just as capable of raising children as straight parents are” Now I don’t believe that’s true, not even for a second. You can disagree with me. I use to believe that my childhood had nothing to do with my mental illness as a teen, now I know that it was the direct cause of how it began for me. I had experience childhood trauma and repressed it from not really having a mother and being putting odd family structure of having two dad which I think is worse than having two moms tbh I felt abandoned. I was raised with my two brothers, but one later committed suicide in 2014. I just can’t believe that homosexuals are better or as good as straights because mental illness is such a problem within their community not that having a mental issues automatically makes you a bad parent but it does affect your ability to function and make rational decisions. I actually do believe that homosexuality in its self is a mental issues, but I’m not going to go there because that’s going to offend a lot of people. in fact I’m just going to end it there full stop because I’m not good and expressing myself in the right way and my English is very bad.
I’m female and 16-ish. I have gay moms (well had, they’re divorced and remarried, but they’re still cool and all). They wanted to basically pretend (in a sense?) they had a biological child together since it’s impossible for gay couples to have kids. So they asked my uncle (father?) for sperm and he donated. I always knew I came from donated sperm, but I thought (hoped) it was some stranger or something , so then I could find him, meet him, and seek him for mentorship from him in my college years. And it can be like when adoptees meet their birth parents. I had no idea it was a relative. When I asked my mom for info about my donor, she said it was. It feels weird and incestuous and NOT cool. My mom tried to make it seem “cool” but it just seems wrong and gross. Who the hell does this? Just ew. How could he just pretend I wasn’t his? We have family reunions and stuff, and he just calls me “niece”. I’m his daughter. How can people just pretend their kids aren’t theirs when they decide they don’t want them? Is that how it works now? ‘Oh I got some half-babies left, let me just give them away to this person’. What the hell!
I am a only child and daughter of two lesbian mothers, although me and my biological mum move away when I was about 6. Both my parents were very open to me from a young age about how I was born, although I never really questioned it until I moved to a more conservative area, where every kid had a mommy and a daddy and lots of my friends found it strange when I told them I didn’t have a dad. When I was really little I spread a story about how he was brutally murdered in a forest, which obviously sounded stupid as we all grew up. As I moved up into middle school and high school my friends seemed so..sympathetic that I didn’t have a dad! They would say things like “Oh! I’m so sorry..” and, “That must be so hard.” As a teenager I was now questioning my history, the way I was brought up. When I was younger I always didn’t care, who needed a dad?? I never knew him..don’t want to know him! But now I feel like I should care, and I really wish I don’t! I’m not about to go hunt him down or anything, because at the end of the day he isn’t really my dad, just my biological father. But I do however wonder if maybe I missed out on something.
I have two moms and it sucks. My dad was a donor and I’ll probably never meet him. Anyways, I’m now at the age where it really sucks to be the only guy in my house (I have a sister along with my two moms). Oh, also, they’ve been divorced since I was three and still don’t get along. Neither of them understand how to give me some space every now and then. They don’t get it when I just want to hang out with my friends and not with them all the time. Honestly, I hate it. I hate everything about not having a dad or at least a brother in my family. Even if my sister was even a little fun to be around, it would be better. I have nothing in common with her, and even less with her birth mom who I do not get along with at all. If it was just me and my birth mom I’d be a lot happier. She is the only one in my family who really cares about me and who really likes having me around and I like being around. My other mom’s side of the family is so cynical and mean to each other, and just being over at her house gives me bad vibes.
I know nothing about my dad. And for some reason the past 3 years that’s all that’s been on my mind. Its getting worse, that its to the point where any older man I look at I day dream about. I even write stories about it, or even rewrite books that have to do with father and daughter stuff. I know I must sound crazy to you guys but I just cant help feeling that way. I’ve seen “What a girl wants” so many times I know all the scenes and the words to the whole movie. It doesn’t help any that my mom is gay, and freaks out every time I try to bring it up. She wont tell me anything about him. Its like she wants to be my dad, and she wants her girlfriend to be my mom, they want to be this big happy family. But we cant because its wrong, it even feels wrong. I want my mom to be the person I talk to with boys not the one to hate them. I want her to wear dresses and date guys. I want a father figure that is a guy not a woman. Please help me anyone.
It’s almost 1 am and can’t stop thinking about all the family I have out there 6 brothers 6 sisters 1 dad I may never know. I have the paper work I know my donor number my mom had kept nothing from me but still that’s all I know. I payed $75 dollars out of my less than $10 salary for the sibling donor registry and nothing. It’s only been 2 months but the membership only lasts a year. I tell my self I just want to know something but that’s a lie I know allot of somethings, more than many. What I really want is to find a sibling who knows what I’m going through. I feel like my priority should be my donor but it’s not I grew up with 2 moms and 1 brother now it’s just the 1 mom, the idea of a father is a forien concept. All I have from him is half my Dna 12 siblings and the words “I hope your child will be a free-thinker and a free-feeler as I have preserved to be”.
Hi . . . I’m a boy of 14. I live with 2 dads . . . one of them is my biological dad and one of them isn’t. My biological mother (who gave my dads her ovum for my birth . . .) comes my house often. She’s 38 and my dads’ long time best friend . . . I want to call her my mom but my dads always get mad when I try . . . actually I’ve already call her mom when my dads are not around and she liked it . . . she and I have lots of connections with each other . . .
I am a donor-conceived child of lesbian parents. I stand here with the support of all three of my parents. This is a testimony that it is, safe to say, unheard of because nobody wants to hear about the other side of the rainbow. . . Growing up, I wanted a father…. I felt it within me that I was missing a father before I could even articulate what a father was. I knew that I loved both of my parents, but I could not place my finger on what it is I was missing inside myself. When I hit school I started to realize through observing other children and their loving bonds with their fathers and I was missing out on something special. I was lied to throughout school; I was told I didn’t have a father. . .it was very difficult for me to affirm a stable identity because of this. And my behavioral and emotional stability suffered greatly because of it… –Millie Fontana
The trauma of a previous heterosexual divorce cannot explain away the diminished outcomes for kids with LGBT parents given that donor-conceived children of gay parents weren’t born from family disruption (though they often experienced it anyway). Yet, they still struggle with many of the same, if not more, emotional issues as children of divorce.
The obvious explanation for why kids with same-sex parents suffer isn’t politically correct- it’s just correct: children have a right to both their mother and father and suffer (regardless of the method) when that right is denied.
While Obergefell vs. Hodges was being deliberated on, children such as these were brought into the argument, but completely ignored, among a host of other things that made the whole thing as illegitimate as Obamacare.
The moat basic rights of children have been ignored while we play God and arrogantly put our pathetic attempts of wisdom above His, which really just amounts to selfishness in any case. THEY wanted children, SHE wanted an abortion, etc, etc. No thought given for those who could do absolutely nothing about it.
I am a child of divorce at a very young age, and as one, I know exactly what those donor children are going through when it comes to the hole in their life. It is a search you at first don’t realize you are searching, because never having had what you are missing, you don’t realize at first that it is the problem. Then you begin to realize that the absence you are feeling is a missing parent. I didn’t miss having just a second parent though, I missed my father, and it made me an unstable, emotional mess.
I can’t imagine piling the rest on top of it, though. To be bought and paid for, to have siblings across the nation, to have a “parent” who didn’t even care how I was conceived, those are things I haven’t had to go through.
The only reason I came out ok is because of a strong presence of God in my life, even though my parents and family ended up making so many bad choices. I hope these children can find peace as well, and that they will begin to speak for those children who have yet to be born. A child has a natural right to a mom and dad. It is the most basic, God-given right of any child. We are meant to be linked to our families, not by some meaningless paper, but by blood. DNA is our code, our birthright. We may not be able to stop all problems that happen with parents, but we sure can stop treating the creation of life like it is the same as manufacturing a doll to sell at Wal-Mart. Laws need to be in place.
Well said. Thanks so much for commenting.
Katy, thank you for being involved with producing this site. It will be my first port of call when discussing issues relating to same-sex marriage and parenting, particularly with those who dispute Biblical teaching.
Thanks Jeremy. And there’s more to come. New stories coming in all the time and articles about happenings produced by the children who were themselves effected.
I’m a lesbian mother of a 2 year old boy, raising him with my wife. I see a common theme in these stories, which is the kids either experiencing divorce (about half the stories mention their moms being divorced or single) and being lied to (not having an honest discussion with their parents about their conception, etc.). There’s a right way to go about gay parenting, and that’s with absolute transparency to the best of your ability. We chose a donor who is open to meeting the kids. I found other women who used the same donor and we stay in touch on Facebook, and meet up once a year so the kids can see each other. I expect they’ll be friends when they’re old enough.
I notice, Katy, that you’re the parent of a Chinese child. That’s great – I 100% support adoption and certainly believe it’s better than the alternative. That being said, there are lots of kids who have issues with racial and ethnic identity when they’re raised by white parents. Even (gasp) the gold-standard straight Christian parents. You should Google trans-racial adoption outcomes. You’d find the results enlightening.
I’d love to know how your family is inherently better than mine. People like you are part of the reason kids have troubles when their families are different.
Thanks for the comment, Lindsay. Yes. You are right about adoption, including trans-racial adoption- that those children experience unique hardship. Unfortunately, there are not enough Chinese adoptive families to compensate for the orphan crisis that China has faced in the past 30 years. I don’t believe, and won’t communicate to my child, that I can fully compensate for everything that he has lost. I understand that he will/has faced unique challenges because he is being raised by white parents. And he will be allowed to grieve, question, and process it all knowing that we mourn with him- because we are not responsible for his loss but rather seeking to mend it.
I am also connected to several organizations that support adoptees, have worked in adoption, and am close friends with several adult adoptees (even those who were placed with parents whose ethnicity matched their own)- connected enough to know that even in “ideal” placements, many adoptive children suffer a primal wound because they were separated from their first family and biological identity. What we learn from the stories of adoptees is that we should never casually separate children from their biological parentage. Because the cost to them is great.
For more on the similarities between Adoption and Third-Party Reproduction: https://thembeforeus.com/third-party-reproduction-vs-adoption-theres-a-big-difference/
I was raised by a lesbian couple and all I can tell you is that your decision to raise your son without a father present will most definitely have an effect on him. I don’t say this to throw shade on you, I just know from experience that it was very confusing for me to not have a dad. It’s nice that the donor is willing to chat with your son but it’s not the same thing as having his father in his life and there will be side-effects which hopefully you can mitigate. Should you ever want to chat offline please let the administrator of the site know and I would be glad to do it. I think we can use this site as a way to learn from one another and not attack each other. I respect that you wanted children and the fact that you are here reading a counter-argument says to me that you’re openminded and I think that’ll really help your son.
There’s nothing I can say to you, Katy, that will get you to agree with me and I recognize that. But I want you to understand something.
It is 100% not my child’s responsibility to support my choices. It will never be his responsibility to take care of me emotionally, mentally, financially, or physically. That is MY job. And I knew that the moment I conceived him. I will make that clear to him while he grows up. I expect him to mourn the loss of a father figure. I expect him to want to know about his background and heritage. I anticipate his desire to meet his donor. I have him connected with his biological siblings. I am doing everything in my power to do this in the best way to make his life happy. His happiness by far exceeds mine. Always and forever. The same is said for each woman who used this donor to have their children. I know them all and they’re each wonderful people who couldn’t have children otherwise. One of them is a conservative Christian who tried adoption for several years and experienced two failed adoptions. Your article is callous and does not represent the majority of donor family experiences.
My son may have issues growing up. I am open to talking with him about it. I will validate his feelings and I will have those hard conversations with him because I created his life. He never asked to be born. I wanted him with all my heart, as did my wife, and we will do anything for him.
Here are the things I can give my son that you cannot, no matter how hard you try: he will always know his heritage. He’s raised with white parents who know what it means to BE white, exist with white privilege, and we will teach him to understand our role in reducing racial oppression the best we can. I could never relate on any level to a person of color because I will never experience that form of discrimination. I will never have to have those discussions with my son and he’ll never wonder how his life could have been if he’d been born to a family of his race or ethnicity. He’ll never wonder what language he’d have spoken, what his village would’ve looked like, what cuisine he’d have grown up with, and what life would’ve looked like in a Chinese family.
Further, he will never, EVER question our love for him whereas your son will wonder why his biological mom and dad never wanted him to begin with. No amount of love will replace that feeling for him.
Adoption is absolutely catered to parents over children. Parents can decide what type of child they want, and they “buy” their kids just as much as third party reproductive parents do, if not more so.
But you’re the Great White Christian and can do no wrong, correct?
Why will your son mourn the loss of a father figure?
The difference with adoption and gaybies –
Similarity between adoption and IVF – Both don’t have their biological parents
Adoption: Separation from parents are not desired. As a last resort, to help the child, other parents are found.
Gayby: Separation from one parent is inherent from the start.
@Lindsay, I was conceived using donor sperm. My parents told me from birth.
“Further, he will never, EVER question our love for him whereas your son will wonder why his biological mom and dad never wanted him to begin with. No amount of love will replace that feeling for him.”
This paragraph is absolutely not true. I will ALWAYS mourn the fact that my biological father gave me away. No amount of love from my parents who raised me will ever heal that wound. No matter how open and loving and transparent their parenting choices are I will forever live with the grief that my father signed away his parental rights and gave me to strangers. He knew he wouldn’t be able to protect me. He knew he might never get the chance to even meet me. He didn’t father me and then have something happened that prevented him from being a good dad so that he felt the best choice was adoption. He gave me away and thinks that he was being generous, so someone else could experience parenthood. How could I ever possibly recover from that level of abandonment from my own father?
Adoption and donor conception both involve biological parents who, as you put it, don’t want their own child. Why can you not see that you have done the EXACT same thing that you are condemning Katy for?
The comments regarding the adoption of children into stable, two parent families are quite cruel. So if a mother is single and unemployed, should she keep her child because the DNA matches and depend on government welfare so she can raise her child, or get a job so she can meet their needs financially–then who meets the daily needs for the child? You can’t just put them on a shelf while you’re off at work. Or should a child conceived in adultery be used as justification for the sinful lifestyle of the parents? An adoptive family is often the best solution for both parents and child to a difficult situation which was created by either a morally sinful choice or unfortunate extreme poverty on the part of the natural parents. You shouldn’t be comparing it to parents who defy nature and use immoral means to simulate family. The Bible is pretty clear in it’s condemnation of sodomy, but adoption is a part of our spiritual heritage. Moses was an adopted child, he turned out okey. Private revelation suggests that the Blessed Virgin Mary was given by her parents at the age of three to be raised and educated at the Temple. She turned out okey. Jesus Himself was raised by a foster father. That should justify the idea that the DNA doesn’t always have to match, sometimes the situation is best resolved some other way.
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The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.
It seems that those that take offense to the reality of the pain and loss a child of gay parents suffer, never listen to the child. Love is more than just a warm fuzzy feeling, or two adults serving their own needs.
Love is being able to put your own needs aside, and the other person’s needs above your own. No matter how much that hurts.
None of the gay parents that are objecting to reality are willing to do that. They are willing to let their child suffer just so they can validate their homosexual lifestyle.
That is called USING SOMEONE. Not loving them.
Children’s needs and rights come first.
Something else just crossed my mind. Campbell Walker’s audition on America’s Got Talent. He was raised by two dads. Obviously, they all love each other, and his dad’s were great parents.
But just as obviously, even the perfect gay parents were unable to fill the profound sense of loss Campbell feels from not knowing his mother.
I cried. His pain is real. No matter how perfect 2 gay parents are, dads and moms are not disposable or interchangeable. Mom can’t take the place of dad, and vice versa.
Listen to the beautiful song he sung to the mother he never knew:
Thank you for this blog. The children deserve a voice.
There are real and valid reasons why, in studies that follow the proper criteria and methodology, that homosexual “couples”, homosexual led households, end at the bottom of the list of parenting types.
Hi I’m a guy, 15 I grew up in a small town where everyone including me was conservative. I have two pice of shit lesbian parents and a most likely gay younger brother who I FUCKING hate. All they do is bitch about there lgbtqu community and it pissis me off. My family is close and that’s even worse I like my grandparents there more like my parents to me but it’s not the same as everyone else I’m so jealous of my friends having perfect lives.
My aunts friend J***
Looks just like me we both are little fat like hunting fishing and be out doors he works in a farm that’s what I want to do. My shit hole parents just think it a coincidence but I just wish I could know my dad and make the depression I have every day go away.
I grew up in a very similar situation (donor baby with two moms, no dad) and I know how frustrating it is to be surrounded by people who you do not agree with about anything. One thing conservatives are very good at is forgiveness and my suggestion to you is that you try your best to let go of the anger you feel towards your moms and your brother.
It is possible to think that it was a bad idea for your moms to deny you a relationship with your biological father and to still love them and accept them as your family. This is where the forgiveness comes in. It’s your only move. Otherwise, everyone will look at you as the angry, bitter guy who hates gay people and you don’t want to go down that road. You want to be the bigger person with the better ideas and you can prove that to everyone with your actions over time by being successful.
Use your anger towards something useful that will get you out of their house. Go work your ass off and make enough money to support yourself. That is the most conservative thing you can possibly do. Every time one of your moms says something dumb about politics, go to your room and fill out job applications. I did construction work and manual labor when I was your age and I loved it. I loved not needing their money. Working on that farm sounds fucking awesome and that’s exactly what you should be doing. These liberals are afraid to get their hands dirty and are leaving a lot of money on the ground…
If you really want to piss them off, go volunteer for the most hardline, Republican candidates in your district. Tell them your story. My Republican friends think it’s cool that I have lesbian moms and am a crazy rightwinger. Get to know more people who share your ideas and can help you navigate this wacky life and try to be more respectful of the folks who you disagree with. It’ll keep you honest.
Go try a ton of different things and try not to worry so much about your friends and their perfect lives or your nagging moms if you can help it. Chances are, they’re really sweet ladies who probably love you a lot (and are scared to death that you’re a conservative). Why torture them by making them think you hate them? Just remind them that unemployment is at 3.9% and get on with your day.
Lastly, for what it’s worth, I really hope you don’t hate your brother because you suspect him to be gay. This is a situation where you can have your own opinions and ideas about homosexuality and still not be cruel to your brother who might not be having an easy time in your house either.
I was an angry dude for most of my teens and early 20’s and all I can say is that it is definitely possible to come out of the other end of this with a really good life and mostly healthy relationships with your family.
I wish you the very best Jay.
I thought I was screwed up… My parents divorced when I was very young, my grandfather and his second wife brought me up, and I called them mum and dad. My auntie says that was cruel, but I have other friends bringing up grandchildren and great nieces and they know the children need and have a right to a mum and a dad. But that so-called mum took off, did the disappearing trick as we call it, and I went to live with my mother and stepfather at age 11 . I had to learn to call mum mum. Then I met my father a couple of years later, when I still called my grandfather father. My grandfather said I’d always be his little girl, but he didn’t leave me anything in his will! I learnt to call my father dad, as I became a Christian when I was 17. So I ended up with a couple of mums, a step mother and another step grandmother. Three of whom were alcoholics! Two dads, an abusive stepfather and all the boyfriends. But still I think I would have preferred to be neglected by my real mother rather than my grandfather and wicked stepmother. Anyway, I got to know and love my father, despite my mother’s attempts to malign him. Three years ago I watched my father die. I’m fifty nine, and yep, my heart breaks for these young people who have been brave enough to speak out. And there’s not one thing I can do to give you a father, unless I adopt you all. I’ve taken on many of my daughters’ friends, some still consider me a mother figure, but it’s only now that we’ve retired, that hubby can see the need to include himself…