My name is Millie. I’m 23 years old. I’m from Melbourne. I have lesbian parents, and I was raised atheist and have no religious affiliations.
When people look at children of gays, the misconception is straightaway that we are well-loved and that we must be stable and happy. And the reason for this is that the gay is promoting this ideology that “love is love” and that we don’t actually need any biological roots at all to be parented well and to be well-adjusted and happy.
This has been incorrect for me and many others. And the promotion of this ideology has made it difficult for people in my position to come forward and say what is actually going on behind closed doors for us.
The lie affects us in so many different ways. We aren’t welcomed to come forward and, you know, ironically, “come out” about who we are and say that we don’t support this “marriage equality”. We face rejection. We face – I’d go as far as to say – demonisation, in terms of some of us, and it is shocking that this minority has risen to the point of pushing us down as a new age minority that is upcoming.
The truth is that growing up with two mothers forced me to be confused about who I was and where I fit in the scheme of the world.
And it became increasingly obvious as soon as I hit school. You would see every other child embracing who they are on Mother and Father’s Day. They would be rejoicing and celebrating with their parents and their family members, and there I was sitting back wondering what is wrong with me and why don’t I have that connection with my father. Was he such a bad person that that could not be facilitated for me?
And that is damaging. And as time went on, and the lies went on, you know, ‘You don’t have a father’… Many different variations of just ‘You don’t have a father’ and ‘You’re not allowed to see your father’ and ‘You have another mother’, as though that statement was enough to conceal the emotions inside me and offer me stability. And the reality is it just wasn’t enough.
And as a result of that, in itself, I suffered guilt, because who was I to reject this other parent? And, oh my gosh, if she is really what is supposed to fulfill me, how horrible must I be to reject that notion?
It is all really quite twisted and sad because, even though my intention was never to hurt anybody coming forward about my experiences, it’s had a ripple effect, and I feel guilty for that. Even though I stand here with full conviction in what I’m saying, guilt still hovers over me, because I do not want to hurt the people that I love.
I want to talk about homophobia. I think it’s very interesting that the gay community has turned around and tried to equate homophobia with racism. I think this is a disgustingly inaccurate comparison. As we’ve just heard from people of the Stolen Generation and what it really means to be discriminated against based on your colour. And again, it is ironic in itself, because on the other side on the fence where we support traditional marriage, we have made the comparison and said, well hang on, maybe depriving a child of their mother or father could be considered similar to a Stolen Generation; although nowhere near as horrific, similar. And who are they to say that about anybody, and make that decision for anyone? You don’t walk into a room and immediately see that somebody is homosexual. Being a person of colour is written all over a person’s body for their entire life.
I want to talk about adoptive relationships, where a child is put into a home. This is donor-facilitated conception. In cases of adoption, children follow through their experiences with a certain acceptance. They come from already being in a horrific situation. They have lost everything to be a part of somebody else’s family, and the adopting parents are choosing to try and rectify it – an already-horrific situation for a child – which is a beautiful thing in itself. And I see no issue with people of any gender choosing to take in and love a child.
However, when it comes to donor conception and the forced removal of a biological parent, that is a deliberate choice to deprive us of something that we innately crave. And there is not a moment where I have looked back and thought that I did not crave that male stability and that father in my life.
When I was at age 11, I was finally able to meet my father, and it was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt stable and at peace for what was probably the first time in my childhood, I saw my future, I saw my heritage, I saw my other family. And there was something that I am so grateful to have been given at such a critical time in my development. And I cannot believe that LGBT is trying to push an agenda that says that my feelings were not important and what I needed in order to continue as a healthy individual is not something… sorry…
It’s almost laughable because when we look at it – we put aside the political correctness as Katy said – and we look at it for what it is, which is: child needs versus adult desire. Somebody’s relationship should always be respected – whether it is homosexual or heterosexual – but when it comes to marriage, and how closely intertwined marriage is with child reproduction, we cannot say “yes” to homosexual marriage without invalidating a child’s right to both genders.
I think it is very dangerous to promote the idea that it is an acceptable thing to inflict on a child. And no, not all children will turn out to have these issues, but in truth a lot of us are just too scared to speak up because what is at stake is a family, our lifestyle, our friends. We are considered discriminatory or homophobes, more often than not for coming out against the LGBT agenda.
If we say yes to “marriage equality”, nobody would have been holding my mother accountable for my welfare, because that would be an act of discrimination. And that is the sad reality we are facing. If we say yes to this now while we are unprepared – we don’t know enough about the effects of homosexual marriage – but if we say “yes” now we are invalidating the possibility that it may not be the best thing for a child.
And in fact, in Canada, it is illegal to say that. On your birth certificate, you are a legal parent. You are not a biological parent, and custodial guardians are put on the birth certificate. It is no longer a historical document for a child. It is said with intention, “I intend to parent this child”.
And what the law gives the law can take away. Discrimination is taken very seriously in Canada. You can have your children removed for promoting a traditional ideology. This is not just child rights, this is religious freedom and personal autonomy that is potentially at stake if we go down the path the Canada has taken.
I feel that the forced and deliberate separation of a child from a biological parent without a valid reason regarding welfare is a form of child abuse, and that any kind of biological connection, as long as it is not harmful to the child, should be facilitated wherever possible.
If you are watching this or hearing this and you are a child of my circumstance, I encourage you to come forward and share your story, because in reality, it needs to be okay for us to not be okay as children. And if we say “yes” and we are afraid of being seen as homophobic, we are making it harder for future generations to say that they are not okay.
This is not equality for children. This is equality for adults.
And the very term “marriage equality” actually offends me, because nobody is thinking about the consequence on the other side of the coin: what comes out of that union. And what comes out of that union is us.
Australia is simply not ready to consider gay marriage and pressure from any other country should not be a valid excuse to change our already quite progressive equality laws. Gay people in this country are fortunate. We have equality.
But do we need to also give them marriage? The answer, in my opinion, is no. And until there is any suggestion of legislation that perhaps suggests that children have rights I don’t think we should consider it. I think it is an offence to children if we consider this as it is now.
Thank you for your time.
View Millie’s Speech Here
That is powerful. Your story serves to confirm what we all believe. That same-sex parenting lack a vital component, Father Figure. Thank you for sharing with us your story.
Dear Millie Fontana, I am the step-grand mother to two twelve years old rainbow children, and I love them dearly. This is the first time I have heard anyone express the some concerns I have had for many years. I wish to express my thoughts to you in my way. I trust you will be interested to listen to a true story I have attached. Regards, Livia York
https My Rainbow Grandchildren by Livia York
Can I just point out that plenty of children of non gay parents or children who are adopted are also in the same position and I’m sorry but she sounds like a spoilt brat.
She is not a spoilt brat. She is a woman in pain, who has survived through circumstances most people will never understand.
Worse, most of us children of gays are too frightened to talk about our own lives BECAUSE of the censure we face.
After all, according to this prejudice against children of gays, it is our JOB to serve and please our parents, our JOB to think and feel what we are told, and to feign in a lifelong way that we are the perfect diverse rainbow children, who owe all good things in our lives to the blessed diversity of our parents.
And many of us will kill ourselves before we admit that this is not true.
So go ahead and slam Millie, if you like. It says that you care about her gay parents BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY, and you do not care about HER , because she DARED to speak up.
Fellow child of gays.
I’m sorry but marriage equality has NOTHING to do with having children.
People have kids all the time without getting married.
There are single parents everywhere.
I am a lesbian and I do not want to have kids. I would like to get married so that if anything ever happened to me my partner would be taken care of. We dont have to call it marriage, if that offends the religious folks, call it a civil union for all I care but I want the same legal rights as heterosexual couples.
Your parents lying to you and not telling you where u came from was bullshit and I’m sorry you had to go through that but to blame same sex marriage doesnt make sense. Marriage doesnt always lead to babies.
She actually addressed adopted children. Adopted children experience tragedy (loss of parents), and are adopted to try to remedy the tragic situation. Every reputable adoption agency will tell you that adopted kids will always have that trauma of that first lost. They are encouraged to seek counseling and speak freely of the loss.
With the author above, the loss of her father was planned and promoted as a good thing. She was created without his commitment to raise her, and society tells her that’s no big deal because “love is love.” Why is it that we walk beside adopted kids, helping them process the trauma of their losses (even when they were adopted by lovely people), but a woman who was cut off from her father so that a non-biological woman/partner could raise her is told she is a spoiled brat for grieving?
you lost your mind
And we feel the same. It’s nothing to do with sexual orientation and marriage. It’s connection with biological heritage. My adoptive parents were great and I love my family. The scientific fact is you create a chemical change in the brain when a child is not with its biological parents. This is also unfortunately the case when they pass away. It’s all trauma people should think more about child rights. There is no such thing as adult rights, that would remove the child’s which is against the UN convention.
This person is 100% correct. Anyone can see and feel her pains and struggles..It is from a person that has lived in the storm of hurt and confusion.
It doesn’t matter how hard you look , you will always find children who aren’t happy with their own story or with their parents. I’ve heard her story a million different times for adult children of straight parents, single parents, divorced parents, younger parents, older parents. So it’s not unique to find children who fill like their life was missing something. It’s a shame that it’s being exploited and treated like it’s due to the fact that she had two loving parents of the same gender.
Michael I am glad that you have pointed that out. Every family has it’s issues and if you are a child of a same sex union that will probably be an issue at some point. However, if you are born to parents who want you and intend to love you than you are already blessed more than most. There are straight couples that fail to get that part right. It is good that Millie has said what is on her mind because this is something that any couple that uses IVF or even adoptive parents should be mindful of. We all want to know where we came from, that’s just human nature.
This is her reality and it is valid. She wanted her father in her life. You are gaslighting her experience.
She’s going to be so mad and confused about my (transgender) wife and I having a biological baby then… I’m sorry girl but you’re not unique, most people grow up feeling disconnected in one way or another. I feel disconnected from my heritage too because I’m native american and can’t be registered or taken seriously because the living relative who could provide the proof is a horrible person. This isn’t an issue that proves gay people are bad. I looked her up to see if she got better but instead she got more militantly homophobic and by obvious extension transphobic. Plenty of children raised by gay parents actually are happy and maybe it is the ones that could meet their other bio parent (because that’s more common than anyone here wants to talk about) but still, plenty are fine. I was raised by straight parents and I’m not fine, my father was an abusive piece of shit and I always wished he wasn’t in my life.
I didn’t actually mean to reply to your comment specifically. But also you should really stop throwing around the word “gaslighting” so flippantly because this is not an example of such.
It was interesting to hear your story. I am sorry to hear you have suffered emotional instability which has come from being a donor-conceived child. I don’t mean to negate your suffering, but I feel that this has been a failing of your particular family, rather than GLBT-parented families. Donor-conceived children can now connect with their donor parents with the consent of the donor. I can assure you from my own experience as a donor that we are encouraged in Victoria to strongly consider making ourselves available for any child conceived from our donation to contact us via letter or face to face at any age. The thing I cannot help but feel is that you conflate separate issues incorrectly which you then harbour by saying you will be told you’re homophobic. I am not going to judge whether or not you are, but you raise issues relevant to donor-conceived families and NOT to GLBT-parented families. I do not understand why you take aim at GLBT families and not simply at donor-conceived families in general. It seems to me that your problems derive from being the child of donor-conception and completely separate to the fact your mother is in a relationship to another woman. Further to all this, I do think that all the issues you raise are irrelevant to the question at hand as to whether same sex couples should be able to marry. I am sorry that “equal marriage” offends you, as you said in your speech at Voice4Kids. It does not offend me. So therefore I hope you do not mind me commenting since you’ve been very public in your own views.
As a child of divorce (not donor conceived or lgbt parents), I would like to chime in to say that simply “connecting” with a biological child is not enough. Children need their father and mother in the home, raising them, committed to each other and the family unit. Weekends with Dad (and my dad is a truly wonderful guy), are not enough.
Soooo much research has shown the negative effects of removing a parent from the home and how kids need both their bio-mother and bio-father together. I don’t know why this research is suddenly null and void when donor-conceived children and same-sex unions come into play. Even adopted children experience a wound from losing their original parents.
I think the author’s sense of loss and instability makes total sense even if she got to meet her dad. It’s not the same at all as being raised by Dad in the home.
Your experience is not hers. Stop gaslighting her. What if you fathered hundreds of children and all wanted to meet you face to face? You will be one busy baby daddy! What if you realize you have some genetic diseases that your children (yes, they are yours) should know about? What you are doing is a deliberate act of fathering children you have no intention of raising. You are just spreading your sperm around. Some of your offspring may meet by accident and get married and have children. Have you ever thought of the potential for incest?
This comment is in response to the previous two. Greg is right. The issue of same-sex marriage is separate from donor conception. I stand with Katy in her views on child rights, but I think she harms her own message by being anti-gay marriage. I think we can allow gays to marry while also protecting children’s rights.
Unfortunately that is false. Everywhere that gay marriage goes, children’s rights are harmed. https://thembeforeus.com/marriage-married-parenthood-global-survey-gay-marriage-weakens-childrens-rights/
I got her video from a whatsapp group. I live in a country of islam. We have gays killed here, jailed and bullied. And her video made the hatred here even more.
Look, youre old enough not to blame people. And your job is to lovr others regardless who they are.
Whatever you speak, it affects people out there. So mind your words and action. It may be nothing to you. But someone might be killed after hearing your speech.
What’s happening in your country is horrifying. But that’s not justification to silence children who have been deprived a right to be known and loved by their father and who are speaking out against a machine which is telling them that unless they support adults desires, their feeling do not matter. Your comment has an air of emotional blackmail, and that the exact reason why many kids don’t feel like they can be honest about how their upbringing effected them. We can stand for the protection and dignity of our LGBT brothers and sisters WHILE defending child rights. And that’s exactly what Millie does.
I didnt hear her say her mothers were bad parents. All her angst appears to be from her ego not coping when she hit school. Then there’s the little point that while she declares a right to a father she doesn’t acknowledge the fact she wouldn’t have a LIFE were it not for her lesbian parents having IVF!
If you accept her run of the mill “angst’ then you must accept an IVF child complaining about the stigma of having a black parent or god forbid, a poor one.
I say run of the mill becasue her story is no different to the millions of kids who’ve grown up in a single parent household, of which I’m one. I didn’t cry about the stigma of it come fathers day and as I matured I understood the issues I’ve had to deal with. Millie should consider counselling and and solid course in logical fallacies before embarrassing herself like this again.
This is a deeply unintelligent POV that deserves short shrift and if this is the best argument against equal marriage rights then the choice is clear.
How can you say that her POV is unintelligent??? She speaking from the heart! You are speaking from your head! Big difference! She spoke the truth and it seems to me you do not like it. Too bad
Bryan you have completely missed the point & I suspect it is deliberate because your agenda is likely pro gay marriage. Hence your sneering tone. So when you make such disparaging remarks about someone please, declare your interest when you do so.
And you’ve spelled your name wrong. It’s Brian with an I
Who is an ego ? The child who was not allowed to grow up with it s own mother and it s own father ?. Or the gay person , who was nor a mother nor a father, Who forced the child to accept him or her as someone he could never be. Noone needs 2 mothers. Noone needs 2 fathers. One of the two will always be not needed. The child id not responsable for that egoistic wish someone has to use it for his or her own purpose. Best regards, Babelina
Almost 2million ppl have seen her video on Facebook, she has turned the debate upside down in Australia. So glad she has spoken up and exposed the real hearts of those that are opposed to traditional marriage.
Thank you for being brave enough to say what many in your situation are too scared to share for fear of affecting people close to them or being attacked by people who have an agenda that is more aligned to winning the flawed plebiscite. Unfortunately the obsession with winning this plebiscite means people are not considering the impact their agenda has on the rights and lives of children.
I, like you, am not advocating same sex couples aren’t good and loving people but i believe their union is not the way nature intended for children to be raised. Nature intended children to need a father (male role model) and a mother (female role model). A father and mother is a basic right all children should have. This is in accordance with the laws of nature and is a fundamental truth in human history. Nature never intended or made it possible for two people of the same sex to bring children into this world and there is an obvious reason for that.
I am proud to live in Australia as it is a tolerant and inclusive society. I support the right for same sex couples to choose their lifestyle however that lifestyle should not impact or compromise basic rights of a child.
I have many friends in the LGBT community. I believe same sex couples should have the same legal rights in all states of Australia as those of a married couples and other De Facto unions. However, this is an issue of how we formally register a same sex union or relationship to protect these rights. This issue should not be confused with or hijacked by an agenda to force us to recognise or to normalise a same sex union as having the same standing in society as a marriage.
I believe that the debate of equal legal rights for same sex couples is one most Australians are supportive of. However, this concept has been hijacked by a higher agenda from elements of the LGBT community who are trying to give their lifestyle and unions the same social and cultural recognition that comes with what most Australians and Australian Law defines as Marriage.
Whilst wanting to embrace and welcome alternative lifestyles and relationships, it is important to preserve and protect that the tradition of Marriage and Family. I think that this balanced view needs to be understood and respected by some elements of the LGBT community. If it isn’t then the LGBT community may find it loses the support of people like me who are wanting to support changes that equalise the legal rights of same sex couples. It may also be one of the main reasons why the 20+ previous attempts to change our laws in this area have also failed.
Nature, tradition, history and Australian law have defined what a Marriage is, a union between a man and a woman. Australian Law is based on democratic principles and the protection of fundamental commonly held values and beliefs of the community. Some of the most popular and strongest held values and beliefs are that Marriage is between a man and a woman and children should be allowed to grow with a father and mother as intended by nature.
I hope common sense and good will prevail on these issues and that opinions on all sides are respected.
Thank you so much for speaking up. And you did so with grace and love.
I voted no for you and others like you.
Jordan Peterson’s take on should Gay couples raise children? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF4PS6sVn3w
Can I also point out what she says about being gay is a choice. I was forced to play straight my whole life because of my religion of being Christian and that messed my head up. Oh and by the way my daughter is a very happy well adjusted lady who has come from a broken home as I said because I was made to feel being gay was wrong and me and her father split but she still sees her dad and I’m now openly gay. One point I will say Millie is right about is you should never lie to your children and they do deserve the right to know who their biological parents are, but I don’t like being put into the same box as every other LGBT persons.
thank you for your testimony.
May I suggest you to read G.K. Chesterton essays (e.g. What’s wrong with the world, The superstition of divorce, Eugenetics and other evils, The everlasting man, The well and the shallows, …). For example he wrote: “This triangle of truisms, of father, mother and child, cannot be destroyed; it can only destroy those civilizations which disregard it.”.
Ms Fontana, an atheist, had her flights and accommodation in Canberra paid by the Australian Christian Lobby, which wants to retain the existing definition of marriage.
Outstanding !! May God bless everyone who fights hard for a better world, however painful it is ti live nowadays. God is almighty. Amen
I don’t see a problem with that. Christians are known to support all kinds of people, even those who reject their religion.
I am very grateful to hear your story, and for you to share it. I agree, we all have a right to know our fathers. I loved my father, he taught me everything. The only good thing about him being gone is I hang on more closely to Father God.
I was put into a government home when I was 18 months old. I never knew my parents, I never grew up with a parental mentor. I never knew what it was like to have a parent and when I finally met my mother as an adult she just became another person I knew…..In the homes I was abused mentally, physically and sexually not just by the carers but also by the other children in the homes, at school by teachers and children alike, bullied to the maxium, in public by strangers and people I knew and so. I was taken to the hospital because they thought I was a mental case, they zapped my brains like they did in ”one flew over the cuckoo’s nest” I still feel it still on my temples. I have many horrific stories that happened to me as a child….I never had any closeness with anyone growing up, not even with my older siblings. I was and felt alone all my childhood and teens. I yearned and cried many many times for a mum and/or a dad to love me, to teach me things, to take me on holidays …anything like a normal family would do. I ached everytime I saw other children doing these things with their parents/(good) carers and such. Life growing up in the government homes was a constant nightmare for me and many other children put there. I wish I was fostered out so I could have a mum and/or dad. I was unloved …………..I never had a life growing up…………………………..But somehow I found a way to be strong to rise above it but life always has been a struggle for me but I somehow keep going and try my best to survive. Many tradgidies continue to haunt me all my life. ……I can say much much more horrible and distressing stories about myself that it would take several volumes to tell it all……..Somehow I am still here giving life a go
This is a valuable insight, but it is important to compare apples with apples. There was no Stolen Generation as claimed. It was not about colour but care. Part aboriginal kids were taken into care because they were at risk. If not killed at birth, along with their parents for breaking ‘skin traditions,’ these children were often neglected and abused.
Fully Aboriginal kids, even when at risk, were not taken into care out of some so-called respect for ‘culture.’
You exist to meet the needs of adults, regardless of your needs. That is very different to kids taken into care.
You have expressed your experiences with a very realistic and correct approach. I understand and agree with you very well. A child always needs a mother’s affection and a father’s protection. This fact can never be denied. Thanks..
It is in our true nature to raise our children as father and mother, but when that true mother-father instinct is snatched away by alternative beliefs, it becomes clear that someone is robbing us of our true intention as humans.
The link to the video of her speech is blocked, saying the video is private. Is there any way it can be made public for all to view?
Thanks. We replaced the link.