We got the following comment from “Jay” on our post, Stories of Donor-Conceived Kids with Gay Parents- Why “family break-up” doesn’t explain their struggles.”
Hi I’m a guy, 15 I grew up in a small town where everyone including me was conservative. I have two lesbian parents and a most likely gay younger brother who I hate. All they do is b*tch about there lgbtqu community and it pissis me off. My family is close and that’s even worse. I like my grandparents, there more like my parents to me but it’s not the same as everyone else. I’m so jealous of my friends having perfect lives. My aunts friend looks just like me, we’re both are little fat like hunting fishing and be out doors he works in a farm that’s what I want to do. My parents just think it a coincidence but I just wish I could know my dad and make the depression I have every day go away.
John, a fan of Them Before Us, read the comment and provided something that this kid has never had before: man-to-man advice from someone who has been in his shoes:
Hey Jay,
I grew up in a very similar situation (donor baby with two moms, no dad) and I know how frustrating it is to be surrounded by people who you do not agree with about anything. One thing conservatives are very good at is forgiveness and my suggestion to you is that you try your best to let go of the anger you feel towards your moms and your brother.
It is possible to think that it was a bad idea for your moms to deny you a relationship with your biological father and to still love them and accept them as your family. This is where the forgiveness comes in. It’s your only move. Otherwise, everyone will look at you as the angry, bitter guy who hates gay people and you don’t want to go down that road. You want to be the bigger person with the better ideas and you can prove that to everyone with your actions over time by being successful.
Use your anger towards something useful that will get you out of their house. Go work your ass off and make enough money to support yourself. That is the most conservative thing you can possibly do. Every time one of your moms says something dumb about politics, go to your room and fill out job applications. I did construction work and manual labor when I was your age and I loved it. I loved not needing their money. Working on that farm sounds f***ing awesome and that’s exactly what you should be doing. These liberals are afraid to get their hands dirty and are leaving a lot of money on the ground…
If you really want to piss them off, go volunteer for the most hardline, Republican candidates in your district. Tell them your story. My Republican friends think it’s cool that I have lesbian moms and am a crazy rightwinger. Get to know more people who share your ideas and can help you navigate this wacky life and try to be more respectful of the folks who you disagree with. It’ll keep you honest.
Go try a ton of different things and try not to worry so much about your friends and their perfect lives or your nagging moms if you can help it. Chances are, they’re really sweet ladies who probably love you a lot (and are scared to death that you’re a conservative). Why torture them by making them think you hate them? Just remind them that unemployment is at 3.9% and get on with your day.
Lastly, for what it’s worth, I really hope you don’t hate your brother because you suspect him to be gay. This is a situation where you can have your own opinions and ideas about homosexuality and still not be cruel to your brother who might not be having an easy time in your house either.
I was an angry dude for most of my teens and early 20’s and all I can say is that it is definitely possible to come out of the other end of this with a really good life and mostly healthy relationships with your family.
I wish you the very best Jay.
This right here is a Mission Accomplished story. Them Before Us is the place where those on the other side of family breakdown advocate for those who are in the middle of it. John was able to give Jay what he never had as a 15 year old boy without a dad; connection with someone who has been there.
Stay with Us Jay. Just as kids like you need to hear John’s voice, the world needs to hear yours.
English
Polski
“These liberals are afraid to get their hands dirty and are leaving a lot of money on the ground…”
Wow, really, pigeonhole much?
“If you really want to piss them off, ”
Sounds like “John” has got some serious issues if one of the overriding goals in life is “pissing off” people he disagrees with.
“This right here is a Mission Accomplished story.”
This is your idea of “Mission Accomplished”? A judgemental, passive-aggressive adult who sounds like a total douche bag?
BTW, this letter doesn’t sound real. Sounds like one of you wrote it – kinda like most other stories on this site. They all sound very contrived.
If you do not think stories are real don’t read them, nevermind commenting. Although, it is your right to do so.
@TheKidsAreFine,YOUHaveAProblem
He is just saying it how it is. Something a Man would and should do. Its respectable. Something society should not alienate.
29 year old female conservative here.
First of all, the kids are not all right. I’m a product of social experimentation on families and all that. No, I thankfully did not have homosexual “parents”, but, I endured a divorce at a young age. I will tell you, whether you are big enough to acknowledge this or not, that the divorce that I had to go through crippled me, plain and simple. My story is different, but, the effects are the same. What you do not and cannot appreciate is that children need their biological parents. For me, I grew up without a father. That crippled me in many ways. I still deal with the effects of that to this day. So, for your side to suggest, as you do, that a Dad or even a Mom are not necessary I find such as statement to be utterly offensive and insensitive to what I had to go through. And that also means you ought to look in the mirror, because its you and your “community” demand we all do not remotely offend you or to be overly sensitive only to your sensitivities. Lastly, its funny you attempt to cherry pick this statement and see it as imbalanced. Your post above is evidence of an imbalanced person.
J I just want to tell you something the people that you think have perfect lives they don’t what you don’t get to see is how I’m perfect it is and that my friend is unfair to you because they may not have the perfect life that they are portraying on the outside and maybe just ask imperfect as everybody else’s Jay I want to say something don’t hate on your mom or your younger brother love them for who they are because they love you for who you are and staying true to your family and Jay I am going through that right now is he I’m gay and my mom my sister my brother even though my brother is gay has all turned against me because I’m gay they have pushed me onto the family they do not celebrate my birthday Christmas and they all said that my mom’s only got one son and that’s her son I’m her son from her first marriage but even my mom has told people that she’s only got one son and that’s the one that lives with her and she accept him for who he is but me I’m not accepted at all all I have is the family outside of my family and my friends and that’s very hard for me to deal with but I go through because I know that I am me and I think God that I am me and I hope that this helps you