Even when the captain decides to change course, it can take up to ten miles to turn a loaded cargo ship around. Them Before Us is challenging some of the most well-funded organizations in the world, and children are their commodity, their cargo. These powerful people have money and momentum on their side but, with your help, we can turn this ship around.
You’re here which means you’re one of Us. You see the truth of this site in the faces of children you know; children paying the emotional price the adults in their lives aren’t willing to pay. Perhaps you even see that pain in the mirror. Simply knowing the truth isn’t enough, you have to take action.
Here are five ways that you can put Them Before Us.
Contemplate. Look at your own life. Really look. Only you and your spouse can save your kids from the devastation of a no-fault divorce. Only you can refuse fertility treatments that deny your children a relationship with their mother or father. Only you can reject a sexual relationship outside of a lifelong marital commitment. Only you can sacrifice your desires so that your children can have what they need. You have to be the adult. You have to do the hard thing so that your children won’t lose their fundamental rights.
Connect. Give your time, counsel, love and treasure to children who need you. Invest in the lives of kids in your world with single parents. Be the loving woman to your niece who has two gay dads. Be the protective man for the boy whose father bailed when his mother refused to abort. Be the friend who allows the child of divorce to be honest about how much they hurt and don’t be afraid to tell them their pain is legitimate and real. The world may tell you that you have no responsibility to these kids, put Them first anyway.
Communicate. Don’t just read the articles on this site. Share them. Choose a paragraph from each post and tell your world why it matters to you. We try to include the voice of children in every article so that your advocacy has a face. We make it personal because it is personal. Their story is their gift to us. Share it with whoever will listen to help make their telling of it count.
Contribute. Help Them Before Us with the resources needed to defend the rights of children. When you fuel this movement we can produce podcasts, gather stories, represent children in policy matters, and reach new audiences. The more you give, the more time we can devote to writing, speaking, producing and defending children.
Compose. Do you see yourself in the stories on this site? Do you wish that someone would have spoken for you when people were advising your parents to divorce, or use a sperm donor, or just “do what feels right” even though you shouldered the life-long cost? If so, take stock of how your loss impacted your childhood and how it continues to shape you as an adult. Then write it down and send it to Us. It may be your story that convinces others to prioritize the rights of children. Redeem your suffering by becoming the adult you wish had advocated for you as a child.
Fighting for children’s rights is a massive undertaking and it’s costly. We need all hands on deck.
I’m looking forward to learning more!
What happens when the mom tried to hold together the marriage but the dad says it will be better for the kids? What if he is verbally and sometimes physically abusive, cruel and uncaring? What if he met a woman at church, helped her get a job at his work and committed adultery? Now he wants no fault divorce. This is happening to my daughter. I have never believed divorce was ok until now.
Hi Carol. Thanks for the comment. What a horrible situation. I’m so sorry. Here’s our perspective on divorce: https://thembeforeus.com/whats-so-bad-about-divorce/
There’s a big difference between making an honest go at a marriage and ordering up a custom kid at the local sperm bank. Children can comprehend divorce and at least have some connection to a parent. The choice kid does not.
Thank you Katy for caring enough to come to Australia and try to protect the rights of children. You are articulate and make your points very well. Children need their mother and their father and the sorrow felt at the loss shows itself in long term ways. I am also very concerned about government intentionally depriving children of a mother or a father by sanctioning same sex marriage. This is the key objection.
I so agree with Lisa Rigby! I too thank you Katy for coming to Australia. My story probably doesn’t fit here really because I grew up in a very stable and supportive family but I share it to encourage others. I’m from the ‘other side’ of the life track. I never had a concern that my family could break down. My dad went off to work each day with a kiss goodbye to everyone. He came home from work every day and embraced, kissed, and kissed again my mother; they held hands whenever they walked anywhere and were a wonderful team as parents and spouses too. I knew total security. My brother and I used to just take it in our stride as totally normal. But today, as a Grandparent in the Australian political climate demanding the “equality” of same sex marriage, I am awakened to just how many children don’t have what I had, and how many more will be placed in that position because adults will put their desire before that of the children they arrange to have conceived. I thank God so sincerely that I had a stable home and an excellent foundation. I just want to encourage anyone who is suffering because of a broken home or deprivation of a parent to let yourself be known here at Them Before Us. This is a stable community in which you can find understanding, acceptance, support, encouragement and healing. This is created with you in mind.
So basically you advocate that those who end up childless for whatever reason become slaves to those able to have children and accept that they will grow old with no family to advocate for them as they age? Got it.
Greetings – No that is not what is being said. Maybe you could share your back story as to why you came to this statement. Thank you
I want to encourage you to keep fighting for what you believe in and speaking truth. It is so needed. Truth’s voice is not spoken enough. I understand this comes at such a great cost to you and to others who choose to speak out. I’m praying for you.
I agree with you totally. I am gay but I believe children have a right to a father and mother. Thank you.
It is clear that fathers have an essential role to play in raising their children but for me this stems equally from the father’s welfare, well-being.Given an exclusive concern for the children, I k know that the post-modernists will ask on what basis a person who assumes the role of father if a woman or assumes the role of mother if a man, can be said to be unable to do so successfully.
I’m a certified school counselor. I’d like to know how school counselors can better help the traumatized children of divorce. We have direct access to children of divorce on a daily basis. Are there any resources developed for school counselor’s yet?
I just watched your interview from 2015
Thank you so much for having the courage and tenacity to speak hard truths.
Children are not commodities!
Broken families= broken societies
How can I best help you in this battle?
God Bless you dear lady!