This week legislation is being proposed in Hawaii to force insurance companies to cover IVF and surrogacy for gay couples:

[A gay couple is] pushing legislation that would require insurance companies to cover in vitro fertilization for more couples, including making Hawaii the first state to require the coverage for surrogates, which would help male same-sex couples who must use a surrogate.


“Now that marriage equality is the law of the land and is accepted, now let’s turn to family building, and let’s figure out how we fix all these inequities that exist,” said Barbara Collura, president and CEO of Resolve, a national organization that advocates for access to fertility treatments.

Once again, it’s evident that redefining marriage has indeed redefined parenthood- husbands and wives are optional, and now mothers and fathers have become legally optional as well.  The right to marry has lead directly to the right to children.

Unfortunately, fixing the “inequalities that exist” for couples in non-procreative relationships will create inequalities for children. Those children will not have equal access to their mother or father.  They will not have equal access to their biological identity.  They will not have equal access to their heritage and extended family.  They will not be born free, but rather commodified and selected based on physical traits such as eye and hair color, race, gender and athleticism.

A coalition of adult-lead organizations is backing the legislation “including the American Civil Liberties Union of Hawaii, the Hawaii Civil Rights Commission and the Democratic Party of Hawaii [who] are working with LGBT groups to push for change.”

What is certain to be absent in the Senate debate on this legislation, is the voice of children who have been deliberately denied a relationship with their mother through these technologies.  Children like this boy:

Hi…I’m a boy of 14.
I live with 2 dads…one of them is my biological dad and one of them isn’t.
My biological mother (who gave my dads her ovum for my birth…) comes my house often. She’s 38 and my dads’ long time best friend…I want to call her my mom but my dads always get mad when I try…actually I’ve already call her mom when my dads are not around and she liked it…she and I have lots of connections with each other.
I hate my dads so much…WHY didn’t they just adopt some baby instead use ovum donor and surrogate mother? Don’t you think gay people who want to get a baby by ovum donor and surrogate mother are horrible? I think they are horrible as hell…even my biological dad is being gay. She’s a mother of mine, even my surrogate mother also exist, but dads don’t want me to get so close to my biological mother…
What do you think? Don’t you think it’s normal to hate my dads? But must I be their good son cos they actually decided to get me? I don’t hate gays but hope my parents are heterosexual… am I a bad person to feel this way? what should I do…? I’m still so young but everyone wants me to accept everything that I can’t and don’t want…

Everyone in this boy’s world wants him to believe that it’s normal for him to live a motherless life. No one is acknowledging and validating this boy’s longing to be loved by his mother. As a result, this child is starting to believe that there must be something wrong with him for feeling this way. No one is telling him that it’s not only normal, but good that he desires his mother’s love.  He craves the love of his mother because he was made for the love of his mother.

The proposed Hawaii legislation would make this boy’s motherless life a state-approved, insurance subsidized reality for even more children because a group adults value their own desires over the rights and needs of children.

And apparently, no one is willing to stand against them.

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