I am Lewis, the child of gay parents, and this is my experience of gay parents. My mother and father were never married, and while my father was homosexual, my mother identified as bi-sexual, and had spent several years in a lesbian relationship sometime prior to my birth. I was born as a result of a “one-night stand” after mum and dad had been drinking.
My parents never lived together, and I was in and out of foster care until I was about 8 years old, and only occasionally lived or stayed with my mother. During the years up until I was 13 I was in and out of foster care. I never met my father until I was two years old, and then I did not meet him again until I was 13. At that time I went to live with my father and his gay lover, my mother wanted me to spend some time with my father after not being around for my childhood.
I never liked living with them. Their “gayness” was like a religion, they seemed to constantly need to reaffirm their “gayness” through their actions. They seemed to have to prove to me that they were gay. It was like a religion, their only identity, their badge of honour. They constantly talked about it. Their “gayness” was their number one topic, more than anything else. They would introduce themselves to people by saying things like “Hi, my name is Simon and I am gay”. Straight people don’t do that. They don’t come out and say “Hi, I am Simon and I am straight”, but Dad and his partner would announce it and force it onto people.
Sexual innuendo was in everything. They were always “checking out” other guys even though they had been together 13 years. They weren’t close, yet they stayed together and I didn’t understand why. We could be at the supermarket and they would look at other guys and say things like, “Isn’t he good looking”. I was totally embarrassed. I felt that I could not bring my friends over, everything was “gay” in the house. Their behaviour was gay, the way they talked, their actions, everything. It all seemed greatly overdone and unnatural, and I was afraid of what my friends would think. I couldn’t introduce my father because I was ashamed of him. They would often make sexual comments about my friends once they had left the house, and I found this repulsive.
Dad and his partner would kiss me on the cheek. I always found that uncomfortable. They would always do it, even in my late teens. I knew from my friends and from movies and TV that teenage boys didn’t normally get kissed by their fathers.
There were few boundaries. Every couple of months I would be hit as a child. I walked on egg shells. There was always fighting between dad and his partner, and they would throw plates and food. I never felt safe. I was constantly aware of what was going on around me in the house. I felt sexually vulnerable. There were concealed cameras around the house in my private areas. I even came across video footage of me in one of their computers.
Other people thought I was gay too, and all of this deeply embarrassed me. I felt it was wrong. I felt that there was an expectation upon me that I should be gay, even though I had no feelings for males. I was expected to be gay by my gay parents. This led to great confusion within me.
There was no consideration of my feelings. They would make me food for school that I could not stand to eat. There was no checking in with me on what I wanted, or how I felt about anything.
We went to a 40th birthday party. I thought we were guests. I didn’t know Dad was the entertainment. Next thing I knew he was dressed in drag and singing Abba…I had no warning. It’s like “fat shaming” someone. I was publicly embarrassed …a lot.
I couldn’t talk to them about my puberty issues because they were not “man” enough in their behavior or attitudes. It was like talking to women. I ended up having that conversation with a respite carer.
I remained with them both until my father left his partner when I was 17 years of age and my Dad kicked me out. Having nowhere else to go I continued to live with his ex-partner until I was 21. He was extremely controlling and took almost total control of my life, even down to making me sign a handwritten agreement giving him almost total authority over me in many areas of life, including total control over my bank account. Even after I had left there to make a life for myself, he still tried to contact me and exercise control over me until he was threatened with legal action.
My experience of living with gay parents left me emotionally scarred and feeling that my upbringing was both confused and confusing. There was a great void in my life that needed to be filled and never was, as I did not feel loved at any stage.
Yet, like others who have emerged from deeply disturbing backgrounds I have gone onto rekindle a growing relationship with both of my parents and also have found peace with the conservative values I now hold. Their values are not my values, but I still honor them for being my parents. To be honest without these experiences I would not have the clarity of the real issues involved in this matter.
Gays do look at straight people as homophobes if we don’t agree with their lifestyle. After living with them for all those years it left me with the view that being gay is often a “put-on” lifestyle. It’s a show. It’s all about “me, me, me” and not an ideal environment for raising children
Consequently, I have voted against same-sex marriage in the postal plebiscite, and I urge you to also vote NO, for the sake of the protection of children.
(Credit: Vote NO Australia)
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story.
Thank you for sharing your story!! I stand with you. Sharing your story..
Thank you so much for having the courage to share ! That must be a difficult subject to talk about. I myself had challenges in my teens with my identity, and who I was, and where I fit into the world. I think most teens have questions about who they are, and what their place is in the world, and if they’re loved, and what they’re going to be later on in life. I cannot imagine of having the additional burden of gender questioning shoved on me!!!
There are good and bad heterosexual parents. There are good and bad homosexual parents. The bad ones should never have been parents. They can have a devastating affect on the children.
How many good heterosexual parents do you know well? How many good homosexual parents do you personally know well?
It seems you’re making light of his view that the reason they were bad parents is because of their gay lifestyle. They weren’t just bad parents, they were bad because they’re gay. It’s a very self centered over the top lifestyle. The homosexual lifestyle often revolves around subjugating children with explicit sexual content and unnatural behaviors. The topic isn’t about straight t parents, so don’t change the topic in order to make light of his views. By saying straight parents are bad parents too, you’re attempting to negate and diminish what happened to him, and you imply that these things didn’t happen due to his parents being gay.
Melissa my experience being raised in part by a gay man counters what you said in your comment.
We probably agree on more than we differ (I believe in traditional gender etc) but my mom’s best friend (who is gay) played a father-type role for me after my dad died. He never did anything over the top or super-self-centered. He was just a person attracted to men. He had one boyfriend for a few years. I’m not saying it was right. But it didn’t harm me in the slightest. There was no explicit sexual content. It was a pretty typical “lifestyle” and this man is a very responsible and caring person who often mentors people recovering from substance abuse. He has cared for terminally ill people. He tries to live the golden rule. He’s been a great influence in my life overall. I wonder if you have any close relationship with more than a few people who are gay. They vary just like any people do. Most of them are just holding down jobs, grocery shopping, hanging out with friends, volunteering..being people..that’s the “lifestyle.” Sorry if you’ve had experiences otherwise. No need to paint a broad brush. I’m a former crisis worker as well; many clients who are LGBTQ have been dehumanized and bullied by people with your views, driving them to depression and suicide because they’re painted as monsters. No, they are actually beloved children of God who are attracted to the same sex or who have gender confusion. Let she who hasn’t sin cast the first stone.
It is so very sad to see such confusion in one’s identity and thus carried forward double confusion to children. I am so thankful to read Lewis has not turned along with the “gat movement” and yes I find it really hard to have this “gay” thing forced into our faces. I hope and pray the wounding will be healed and may your future be as bright as the Sun.
Thank you for sharing your truth . I am an ex lesbian of 40 years , during this time several of my gay and lesbian friends adopted children , the femme lesbians adopted femme girls so that they can dress alike or be alike in mannerisms , the bull dykes adopted little boys so that they too can dress alike and share mannerisms as well . Another gay friend was the same as this story above in this article ,, except Her gay father kept my friend from her mother during childhood , He then committed SUICIDE with my friend in the house (she was 16). My friend told me she couldn’t have her boyfriends come visit the house without her dad slapping their asses or checking them out . As an Ex Lesbian I have seen this crime against children happen all the time in the gay community . In the 40 years I spent in the gay community I have never met a good gay or lesbian family , they are all problematic because homosexuality is treated as NORMAL or natural which it is not. The gay community suffers from a deep INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA which would be confusing to their children. Gay is man made or a program that you can unwind to see. It is wrong to compare hetersexual families with gay and lesbian families, they are complete opposite models. Gay and lesbians should not be allowed to adopt children until their homosexuality be treated as a mental health disorder . CANADA needs to RECLASSIFY HOMOSEXUALITY as a mental health disorder again .. It was only DECLASSIFIED because of the LGBTQ union and LOBBYISTS threatening bullying BOYCOTTING screaming jumping up and down till it was struck out of the medical records, it was not DECLASSIFIED because there was a cure . I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU CAN HEAL THE GAYNESS OUT OF PEOPLE AS I HAVE PERSONALLY.
A great example of this bullying tactic is with the TRANSGENDER movement , here they have removed freedom of speech where you no longer can say boo to these demented individuals , besides the TRANSGENDER movement is the Trojan horse to legalize and groom pedophilia , with 72 different sexual identities now how many are necrophiliacs , PEDOPHILES , child marriages , adult babys that play in diapers with children. SOGI agenda belongs to NAMBLA NAMGLA and MAPS . While I spent 40 years in the gay community there was talk of the FALSE FLAGS such as the STONEWALL RIOTS AND ORLANDO MASSACRE orchestrated by the LGBTQ union and LOBBYISTS to catapult TRANSGENDER and GAY issues to the forefront of social media , to confuse society, to tug on societies heart strings, to manipulate society ,,, BUT TO TEACH THE BREEDERS (heteroSEXUAL) what NORMAL IS ,,,,,, lol and you all fell for it too . WAKE UP SHEEPLE adult rights and laws have no place in CHILDRENS ARENAS . The goal is to dismantle Nuclear families and to start up sick twisted versions of new gay families . Today with my eyes wide open and finally own my own sexuality I can seriously and proudly say that I Am Homophobic and Transphobic , because I know this community is very sick and is inflicting their cancer on innocent children.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share!! Everything you shared makes perfect sense to me! I have not traveled the path you have, but my eyes are being opened to this Trojan Horse, that is indeed grooming our society to accept pedophilia in every flavor.
As a mother I am furious that everything from entertainment, to movies, to Gaming and social media and now compulsory so called “public education” is pushing this.
The issue that needs fixing is from the neck up, not from the neck down!
I love my friends who have different gender identities, and I respect that they have a right to be loved as a person, and as adults, to live as they choose, but I am strongly against their medical procedures and surgeries and hormones and high risk lifestyles being publicly funded and l am against forcing these mental illness derived viewpoints to be our culture’s Norm, and forcing them on children.
Children need to be protected!!
Thank you for sharing
Fiorina, thank you for sharing. It is a very broken life style. After my husband left to live in the life style abandoning me and my Son.
I set out to understand. I got involved with a group of folks who were not okay living in the lifestyle. I found that about 75% were sexually abused in their early years. That seemed to be many of their stories.
Through this I came to find out my ex was fondled by his uncle for years. He was a twin… while his twin did not seek out this lifestyle his brokenness came out in being hyper sexual and drug addicted
I’m not saying all homosexuals have a story like this… but the number was staggering.
With this kind of trauma that is not dealt with. Having children in the mix of all this disfunction is a recipe for disaster.
Thanks again for sharing!
I’m impressed with your strength of character, Lewis, and I hope your story encourages other people to be the best person they can be despite pressures from others wishing to validate their own lifestyle decisions. As a follower of Christ, I know you’ve made some decisions that lead to life’s best blessings (whether you’re a Christian or not). I pray you’ll enjoy those blessings, and in turn, encourage others along the way.
Sorry, dude, but your weird upbringing is not the norm. Can you even say you had “gay parents.” You weren’t the product of a same-sex couple deciding to have kids. I feel for you, but your story is no value added to this issue.
Hi Gregory, sadly Lewis’s story is not uncommon among LGBTQ families. I can attest to this first hand. My moms conceived of me via sperm donor and then broke up early on in my childhood and plenty of chaos ensued. When I read Lewis’s story it is chillingly similar to my experience, and I appreciate his bravery in sharing.
You might want to believe that intentional, same-sex couples make for great parents and that Lewis is some “weird” anomaly but the data being collected from organizations such as this tells a much, much, much different story. One that I found to paint an accurate picture of the kids I know who were intentionally raised without a father or a mother.
If you intend to have a child with your same-sex partner you need to mentally prepare yourself for what comes next. Sons need mothers and daughters need fathers. To knowingly deny a child of a biological parent is playing with fire. And you better be careful because you might end up with a hardline conservative like me or my buddy Lewis.
We are genuinely concerned about this generation of kids being raised by LGBTQ couples. At the moment, the quality of the debate is rather ridiculous. When I see grown men trying to breastfeed their children it inspires me to tell the truth to folks like you who are dismissive of guys like Lewis.
I have tried warning society here in the US about this agenda, for 40 years. No one took me seriously.
Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you.
It must have taken extreme courage to write this! Oh how proud of you God must be! You sound like an incredible young man and I will be praying for each and every day to remain strong!
Lewis
Thankyou for sharing your story. Healing can be found from the emotional, and mental scars. Please watch
http://www.tlrmovie.com
I especially liked your point that it is only suffering this kind of deprivation and damage that you learn, as you put it so well, “clarity”. Exactly. It is impossible *not* to be clear that mothers and fathers are essential to children. Even if adults can detach biology from identity, children can’t and don’t. But it is only by suffering these social ‘experiments’ — being on the other end of adult ‘right’s to their definition of happiness, that we can see so clearly why the traditional family norms were so strictly enforced in previous ages. They were enforced so children wouldn’t suffer permanent emotional, mental damage. And yes, it is permanent. You recover of course, but it’s still there. Always there. Thanks for making this critical point.
I am so sorry this happened to you. What a rough beginning to life, and so much confusion from people who should have been helping you and putting your needs first.
Chciałbym wszystkim czytającym oznajmić że ten artykuł to fake. Zrobiłem mały reaserch i ten sam tekst występuje w różnych formach że np. Moja mama jest lesbijka a tata biseksualny i się przespali po zakrapianej imprezie. Tu jest akurat na odwrót. Zanim coś przeczytacie badajcie źródła skąd to pochodzi.
This is a sad story but it has ZERO to do with gay marriage (no one was married here) or gay couples raising children (they didn’t want this child of a one-night stand). This is totally irrelevant to anything. It’s just a sad story.