I don’t know how to talk about my feelings of discomfort and disagreement with same sex relationships.
Even though I experienced the negative experience first hand, I am still nervous to speak. When I have, others have called me a bigot and said it was hateful.
Because what I have to say and my experiences do not line up with political correct opinions. My confidence is crushed and I am scared of losing my job if my employer knew of my opinions. Or being mocked and threatened by my fellow Australians who disagree with me and nullify my experience.
I am the 4th child in a family of 7. My oldest sister has a different father. The other 6 of us share a father.
My mother knew from an early age that she was attracted to women. She wanted to have 7 children and had these children.
There was great tension for a number of years of my life and when I was 4 my mother left my father with me and my younger brother and my sister in her belly. I was so confused and distraught.
I cannot remember when my mother first told me that she is lesbian. But I know that when she started having lesbian relationships I was filled with hate and jealousy. As a child I was angry and disgusted by my mother and her female partners. I started secretly hating women and grew more and more sexist over the years.
As a young teen I started turning to girls and pornography to express my anger that I felt towards women due to frustration with my mother’s lesbian relationships. There was also jealousy from my mother’s partners. It’s almost as if I was in a romantic relationship with my mother for some years between 4-10 years old and her partners were jealous of my mother and my intimacy.
My mother would often actively degrade my father to me and my siblings. Two of my older sisters told my mother that they didn’t like her being a lesbian and they had hatred towards her and her female partners. The family was often torn and had lots of conflict when my mother would start a new relationship.
From the age of 15-17 I lived alone with my mother and her female partner. My younger brother and sister were removed by my oldest sister by force due to the violence my mother was expressing towards them. I would stay and live with this violence and abuse for another year.
My identity suffered from being the child of a lesbian mother. Also I suffered with sexual power issues and wanted to feel dominant and was attracted to ‘weak’ females and much younger females so that I would feel powerful. This is something I fought against so as to not fall into the pattern. Pedophilia seemed like an attractive option for a time in my life, but I never acted on these desires and they stopped some years later.
My own marriage has suffered due to my sexism and abusive behaviours towards my wife and son. I am now getting help from a domestic violence service. After a year of being separated we are now healing and having reconciliation.
I didn’t like having a lesbian mother. I felt unsafe most of the time with her partners who often were sexist towards me. I wanted a mother and father to love each other and love me. My life has had many negative issues due to my mother being lesbian.
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Wow , Sorry that you have been through so much pain, but glad you are on the road to recovery.Thanks for being so brave in sharing your story. It will help others too.
thank you for sharing this story. it has helped my understanding of the issues that lie before us, from a different perspective.
Maybe your problem isn’t with a lesbian mother per se, but being raised by someone who was openly was seeing other people besides your father while the 2 were still married? And to add fuel to the flame, a woman who had too many children to properly care for any of them, much less have time for a lesbian affair?
I can imagine you’d be equally screwed up if your mother had 7 children by 2 men, and was now dating another new man while taking (or not taking) care of you and your siblings…
You clearly did not listen to him and do not want to hear what this young man has to say.
Of course a same-sex affair would have been traumatic. What he experienced was a hatred and denigration based on his gender.
Hello Person-who-implies a mother can’t properly take care of 7 children: What a cheek!! Are you talking from experience?? I have 7 children. They have enriched my life, my husband’s life and each other’s lives beyond words. They have taught me love, self-giving and discipline. I’m not so silly as to think I have never made mistakes, but I am am honest enough to see that ALL the mistakes I have made are directly related to failure to follow those good old time-tested guidelines for good living, called the 10 Commandments. And where I have made mistakes and needed to repair the damage, guess who helped me along the way? God. So your judgemental assumption that a mother having seven children is the cause of this person’s pain is just the kind of denial and refusal to listen to the the victim that increases the pain.
Why should we take your post seriously with a “name” like that? Further proof that pro-“equality” types are just emotional, strawman hunting douches.
Why can’t his issues and his feelings be what they are? And I can see why unrelated women mocking him and his father would push him into wanting to feel power over women, so a man would not have had the same impact.
So sorry to hear of your story but also encouraged ans inspired by your bravery in owning and confronting the challenges you face. Like you I was born into a very dysfunctional family where I experienced much abuse and neglect. I know how it leaves scars and daemons for us to struggle with -many of which cause us to wrestle with sin that can destroy ourselves and those closest to us. I also know what it is like to have you views on these issues cause you to fear for your own employment, being branded a bigot by those who do not even listen to your case and/or experience. It is really tough and can get even the most resilient of us down. I hope that one day we can share a coffee and look back at how we have overcome many of these challenges, and how they made us better people (in the long run). Bless you heaps.
Thanks for sharing Gill. Can’t imagine it was easy to share your story and I hope you have a peace about doing so. It’s important that people hear stories like yours. Nothing more natural in all the world for a child to long for its mum and dad. My parents divorced when I was two. Dad moved from Sydney to Canberra so I didn’t see him a whole lot and then he died when I was 7. I wanted the same thing – “I wanted a mother and father to love each other and love me”. Fatherlessness and Motherlessness are a really difficult thing for kids however it comes about. It’s important to remember its not your fault. Adults need to be making better decisions on behalf of children. I hope your reconciliation is going well and you are making every effort to love your son especially.
Oh thank you for sharing. Brave and compassionate because you shared perhaps in hope to reach out to others and help in some small way. Also a good thing for you as it may be one important small step to healing.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
My life wasn’t perfect but I am so grateful to have lived with one mum and one dad-also grateful that they stayed together now their 50th year in marriage-Hope your marriage to grow and thrive much, much longer.x
Thank you for your story. I hope you find peace and healing.
God bless you, Gill, for having the courage to speak out.
May I recommend to books? ‘
‘How We Love’ by Milan and Kay
Yerkovich; and ‘Unbound’ by Paul Lozano… The former will help you see and work in destructive attachment patterns impacting your marriage and the latter describes five “keys” that can help you break free from your past and find peace. I noted your post was from two years ago. I hope life is going much better for you, your wife and your son.