This is one of the saddest blogs I’ve read in a while.
A gay dad is trying to understand why his daughter would cry for a mother, even though she’s never known one. The answer is obvious- she is made for, and craves, maternal love.
“Mama” is both the near-universal term for mother as well as children’s oft-spoken first words. That’s not coincidental. It’s indicative of the primal yearning that children have for just any adult, someone nice, a care giver their mother from infancy through adulthood. Yet this man, who from every indication is a caring father, cannot bring himself to admit the possibility that there is something he cannot give to his child. The hardest part of this blog is that the dad seems more concerned with his daughter validating his choices that he is with validating his daughter’s deep-seated emotional needs:
“Mommy,” my daughter cries when she’s hurt or upset. “Mommy, mommy, mommy…” She knows I’m daddy and my partner is papa, so where is this mommy business coming from?
She’s three and has lived with us since she was nine and a half months old; I figure she doesn’t remember anything prior to her life with us. She has a good command of the English language, even using sophisticated adjectives and adverbs well, as my mother recently pointed out, so shouldn’t she be more aware of what she is saying?
My partner points out that she is mimicking the other children at the daycare who cry out for their mothers when they’re dropped off or after an accident, seeking comfort and reassurance. Is our daughter associating the need for comfort and reassurance with the word “mommy”?”
Of course she is. Children are made for the love of their mothers.
It should come as no surprise that the conditions within which children are made- between and man and a woman- are also the ideal conditions within which to raise children. Children need and long for both maternal and paternal love.
No one is arguing that a gay man cannot be a good father. But the reality is that no matter how loving, nurturing, or committed he is, that man can never be… a mother.
Has it occurred to the gay dad that being a smart kid, his daughter can work out that he’s got a mother and she doesn’t? That his mother is different from him (ie is a female, not a male?) and that she (little girl) has 2 dads (men) and no female parent (mother)??
How does one explain to a small child they reason they have Grandma but no Mummy and I am sure there are lots loving Parents of same sex but one can never replace the real thing of a Mother and a Father no matter how good the parent is we still need and want our mothers and fathers .Mothers nurture in a way a man can never do sorry but its nature and that’s the way it should be. Same sex can have children but all children like to know where they come from and who is their biological parents are . I feel down the track we could have major problems if we don’t allow children to know their biological parents .
What total rot. For this to have any validity every mother out there needs to be the perfect mother and have a perfect relationship with their baby.
I’m waiting for this article to provide statistics and research that prove there is a difference?
Here’s a study for you to consider
https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/sites/default/files/cfca/pubs/papers/a145197/cfca18.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwiUoKz66aHWAhWMe7wKHV2TDd0QFgglMAA&usg=AFQjCNG185GHdBRANcRGhvqNHyw1CYS5wQ
I agree with you Dean – this is nothing but ridiculously laughable propaganda
You have not looked deep enough, Dean.
https://thembeforeus.com/study-studies-same-sex-parenting/
Don’t be ridiculous – my mother wasn’t perfect by any means but I’m so glad I had a mum. I’m assuming you had one as well? And even if you didn’t have a mum that doesn’t mean that children don’t need one.
Of course she is mimicking her peers , in fact to most mums annoyance babies almost always say dada long before mama as its easier to say. The suggestion that mums are more caring or nuturing than dads is rubbish me are equally as caring & many women not caring at all as prisons can testify.A child needs only 1 parent or carer who really loves them , 2 or more is better- the gender is irrelevant. A kiss & hug from a loving parent is everything be it a man or a woman its love that is the important ingredient, suggesting otherwise is an insult to single parents or carers everywhere
Do Asian kids cry for momma? Universal? What of African children? What is the African or Indian or Japanese word for mom? As a single person I was told dad was the first word kids often said so that the primitive male felt a bond with the kid. Complete nonsense. Is dad used often in Norway? Poland? China?
A kid cries. Hopefully it is comforted with respect by an adult. The end.
At least Nine months that child has been in an intimate relationship with their mother. I mean really did this child these pretenders are going to raise have a mum or is this some kind of new child bearing system outside the womb?