My name is Millie. I’m 23 years old. I’m from Melbourne. I have lesbian parents, and I was raised atheist and have no religious affiliations.
When people look at children of gays, the misconception is straightaway that we are well-loved and that we must be stable and happy. And the reason for this is that the gay is promoting this ideology that “love is love” and that we don’t actually need any biological roots at all to be parented well and to be well-adjusted and happy.
This has been incorrect for me and many others. And the promotion of this ideology has made it difficult for people in my position to come forward and say what is actually going on behind closed doors for us.
The lie affects us in so many different ways. We aren’t welcomed to come forward and, you know, ironically, “come out” about who we are and say that we don’t support this “marriage equality”. We face rejection. We face – I’d go as far as to say – demonisation, in terms of some of us, and it is shocking that this minority has risen to the point of pushing us down as a new age minority that is upcoming.
The truth is that growing up with two mothers forced me to be confused about who I was and where I fit in the scheme of the world.
And it became increasingly obvious as soon as I hit school. You would see every other child embracing who they are on Mother and Father’s Day. They would be rejoicing and celebrating with their parents and their family members, and there I was sitting back wondering what is wrong with me and why don’t I have that connection with my father. Was he such a bad person that that could not be facilitated for me?
And that is damaging. And as time went on, and the lies went on, you know, ‘You don’t have a father’… Many different variations of just ‘You don’t have a father’ and ‘You’re not allowed to see your father’ and ‘You have another mother’, as though that statement was enough to conceal the emotions inside me and offer me stability. And the reality is it just wasn’t enough.
And as a result of that, in itself, I suffered guilt, because who was I to reject this other parent? And, oh my gosh, if she is really what is supposed to fulfill me, how horrible must I be to reject that notion?
It is all really quite twisted and sad because, even though my intention was never to hurt anybody coming forward about my experiences, it’s had a ripple effect, and I feel guilty for that. Even though I stand here with full conviction in what I’m saying, guilt still hovers over me, because I do not want to hurt the people that I love.
I want to talk about homophobia. I think it’s very interesting that the gay community has turned around and tried to equate homophobia with racism. I think this is a disgustingly inaccurate comparison. As we’ve just heard from people of the Stolen Generation and what it really means to be discriminated against based on your colour. And again, it is ironic in itself, because on the other side on the fence where we support traditional marriage, we have made the comparison and said, well hang on, maybe depriving a child of their mother or father could be considered similar to a Stolen Generation; although nowhere near as horrific, similar. And who are they to say that about anybody, and make that decision for anyone? You don’t walk into a room and immediately see that somebody is homosexual. Being a person of colour is written all over a person’s body for their entire life.
I want to talk about adoptive relationships, where a child is put into a home. This is donor-facilitated conception. In cases of adoption, children follow through their experiences with a certain acceptance. They come from already being in a horrific situation. They have lost everything to be a part of somebody else’s family, and the adopting parents are choosing to try and rectify it – an already-horrific situation for a child – which is a beautiful thing in itself. And I see no issue with people of any gender choosing to take in and love a child.
However, when it comes to donor conception and the forced removal of a biological parent, that is a deliberate choice to deprive us of something that we innately crave. And there is not a moment where I have looked back and thought that I did not crave that male stability and that father in my life.
When I was at age 11, I was finally able to meet my father, and it was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt stable and at peace for what was probably the first time in my childhood, I saw my future, I saw my heritage, I saw my other family. And there was something that I am so grateful to have been given at such a critical time in my development. And I cannot believe that LGBT is trying to push an agenda that says that my feelings were not important and what I needed in order to continue as a healthy individual is not something… sorry…
It’s almost laughable because when we look at it – we put aside the political correctness as Katy said – and we look at it for what it is, which is: child needs versus adult desire. Somebody’s relationship should always be respected – whether it is homosexual or heterosexual – but when it comes to marriage, and how closely intertwined marriage is with child reproduction, we cannot say “yes” to homosexual marriage without invalidating a child’s right to both genders.
I think it is very dangerous to promote the idea that it is an acceptable thing to inflict on a child. And no, not all children will turn out to have these issues, but in truth a lot of us are just too scared to speak up because what is at stake is a family, our lifestyle, our friends. We are considered discriminatory or homophobes, more often than not for coming out against the LGBT agenda.
If we say yes to “marriage equality”, nobody would have been holding my mother accountable for my welfare, because that would be an act of discrimination. And that is the sad reality we are facing. If we say yes to this now while we are unprepared – we don’t know enough about the effects of homosexual marriage – but if we say “yes” now we are invalidating the possibility that it may not be the best thing for a child.
And in fact, in Canada, it is illegal to say that. On your birth certificate, you are a legal parent. You are not a biological parent, and custodial guardians are put on the birth certificate. It is no longer a historical document for a child. It is said with intention, “I intend to parent this child”.
And what the law gives the law can take away. Discrimination is taken very seriously in Canada. You can have your children removed for promoting a traditional ideology. This is not just child rights, this is religious freedom and personal autonomy that is potentially at stake if we go down the path the Canada has taken.
I feel that the forced and deliberate separation of a child from a biological parent without a valid reason regarding welfare is a form of child abuse, and that any kind of biological connection, as long as it is not harmful to the child, should be facilitated wherever possible.
If you are watching this or hearing this and you are a child of my circumstance, I encourage you to come forward and share your story, because in reality, it needs to be okay for us to not be okay as children. And if we say “yes” and we are afraid of being seen as homophobic, we are making it harder for future generations to say that they are not okay.
This is not equality for children. This is equality for adults.
And the very term “marriage equality” actually offends me, because nobody is thinking about the consequence on the other side of the coin: what comes out of that union. And what comes out of that union is us.
Australia is simply not ready to consider gay marriage and pressure from any other country should not be a valid excuse to change our already quite progressive equality laws. Gay people in this country are fortunate. We have equality.
But do we need to also give them marriage? The answer, in my opinion, is no. And until there is any suggestion of legislation that perhaps suggests that children have rights I don’t think we should consider it. I think it is an offence to children if we consider this as it is now.
Thank you for your time.
View Millie’s Speech Here